It's time has come....
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In February, the Winter Olympics will be held here, in British Columbia, for the first time. Unfortunately, it will be the same old boring events - skating, skiing, hockey, etc. This is a shame. I feel that drinking has been seriously overlooked by the IOC but that this may be because we have failed to sportify our pastime. So, put your thinking caps on and send me your ideas. Here are three to get you started.

Speed Tasting

Competitors, wearing skates, would make their way around the oval, stopping every half lap to taste and identify a series of wines. The athlete completing the course in the quickest time would win but time penalties would be applied for innacurate spitting and failure to identify a wine.

Downhill Stumble

After consuming 3 bottles of Okanagan Merlot, competitors would make there way down a treacherous, slippery road and be required to pass thorugh a series of gates. Missing a gate would result in a time penalty.

Hurling

After drinking 6 bottles of Okanagan Merlot, competitors would line up and...well, perhaps not.

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For those of you with Rufus withdrawal
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Although there are all kinds of new developments at Custom Wine Source and Stoney Creek, I cannot talk about them yet. So, check out the latest offering from Judd Finkelstein at Judd's Hill in Napa. I am not sure how to embed this so I have provided a link to his new website;

www.juddsenormouswineshow.com/

Judd is plainly bonkers which is OK by me.

On a relarted topic, Rufus and Richard has been off the air since September as we are in contract negotiations. Hopefully we can find a wayto satisfy Rufus' outrageous demands and get the show back on the road soon. Stay tuned.

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Win a case of custom labelled wine from Custom Wine Source and Brutocao Cellars
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Today marks the 5th year of Menu for Hope,  afund-raising event started by food blogger Pim Techamuanvivit to rasie funds for various food-based charities. This year's menu for Hope will raise money for the WFP's school lunch program in Lesotho, Africa.

If you are interested in helping kids in Africa get a decent meal each day, the program works like this.

1. Choose a prize or prizes of your choice from the main Menu for Hope page at http://chezpim.com or from the wine bloggers page hosted by Alder Yarrow at Vinography.
2. Go to http://www.firstgiving.com/menuforhope5 and follow the instructions for making a donation
3. Each $10 you donate will give you one raffle ticket toward a prize of your choice. Please specify which prize you'd like in the 'Personal Message' section in the donation form when confirming your donation. You must write-in how many tickets per prize, and please use the prize code.
For example, a donation of $50 can be 2 tickets for EU01 and 3 tickets for EU02. Please write 2xEU01, 3xEU02
4. If your company matches your charity donation, please check the box and fill in the information so we could claim the corporate match.
5. Please allow us to see your email address so that we could contact you in case you win. Your email address will not be shared with anyone.

For a more in-depth description of how to donate, check out Alder Yarrow's description on Vinography.

This year, Custom Wine Source has teamed up with Brutocao Cellars to donate a case of custom labeled Zinfandel (a $700.00 value). The prize includes our Full Custom Design service, one case of Brutocao Cellars Zinfandel (subject to availability, may be exchanged for a case of equal or lesser value Brutocao wine), and ground shipping to any state in the US in this list;

Alaska
Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Florida
Hawaii
Iowa
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
North Carolina
North Dakota
Nebraska
New Mexico
Nevada
New York
Ohio
Oregon
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Virginia
Vermont
Washington
Wisconsin
West Virginia
Wyoming

If you wish to ship to a state that is not on this list, call me at 1-877-824-9463 to discuss your options before buying tickets.

To buy tickets for this amazing prize, use the code WB05

Good luck and remember, it's for a great cause.


 

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More Good Duck
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Chapter Two: More Good Duck

Over the next few years, Vincent worked hard on refining his talent, drilling himself and memorizing the aromatic signatures of everything he came into contact with. Eventually he could detect the subtle differences different types of stone, plastics and metals as well as thousands of complex chemical compounds found in nature. As he experimented with aromas he began to fully appreciate the roll that smell has in taste and was able to refine this skill as well. He began to mentally reverse engineer the foods and beverages he consumed and began experimenting with cooking. His recipes were soon legendary in the commune and before long they were selling pies and preserves created by Vincent and were actually making a profit. But Vincent soon became bored with cooking and moved on to wine.

The commune had only two rows of vines (one of Marechal Foch and the other a hardy Riesling). Under the tutelage of Vineyard Pete, Vincent learned the basics of winemaking, from training and pruning the vines, to harvest, crush, and fermentation. What fascinated him the most were the causal relationships in wine making. He quickly realized that every bunch of grapes added something unique to the wine, that tiny changes in the weather, irrigation, or harvest time could have dramatic consequences for the final product. He suspected that this phenomenon would also apply to every other aspect of winemaking and that by understanding how these interactions worked, he would be able to produce the perfect wine.

His problem was money. Communists do not generally have great wads of cash available for investing in bourgeois activities like commercial winemaking. As a commune kid his prospects on the job front were not very promising. He did not have a formal education and he really knew very little about commerce and life in the outside world. One morning, as he lay on the grass looking out over the fields and woodland that stretched away from the hill upon which the commune sat, his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by, of all people, his mother – Maker of Stars.

“Hello dear” she said, sitting down beside him.

“Long time, no see” mumbled Vincent petulantly. “What brings you here?”

Vincent’s mother was silent for a few moments and then, sighing softly, she started to tell Vincent about his real father. Prior to joining the commune and meeting Moon Whisperer, she had engaged in a torrid affair with a wealthy millionaire playboy. His family was, predictably in these types of story, horrified by the union and forbade the son from seeing her again. Spoiled wimp that he was, instead of disobeying his parents, the young man abandoned Carol (Maker of Stars’ pre-LSD enlightenment name). She had not heard from him since but subsequently met Moon Whisperer - who thought her state of impregnation was ‘radical’ - and slipped into commune life, birthing Vincent shortly thereafter.

“So?” asked Vincent, unimpressed.

“A law firm called. Your birth father passed away last week and left you some money. $43,000,000 to be exact” his mother murmured sadly. “He was hit in the head by a duck” she added, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly and involuntarily.

Vincent was stunned into silence. This was the second time his life had been dramatically and positively impacted by a hurtling duck which was a little strange no matter how he looked at it. Without warning his thoughts and the surrounding silence were interrupted by a loud whooping noise which, Vincent was surprised to realize, he was making himself. He leapt to his feet and ran down the hill, waving his arms about and still whooping repeatedly - something he had never done before but found strangely liberating. As he reached the gate at the bottom of the hill, he turned and yelled to his mother.

“What’s the name of the law firm?”

“Carr, Poole and Ng” she replied and that was the last thing she ever said to her son.

Vincent leapt the gate and ran off towards town.

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The first installment of a new short story about a man with a special talent
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The Nasalist

Chapter One: Awakening

The nose of the man! Corpulent, expansive, and like a dog’s, constantly twitching, Vincent Gibb’s nose was a one-of-a-kind. In a modern world where man’s senses of smell and hearing have been gradually whittled away to a sliver of their former greatness, Vincent was an aberration, a freak, a disturbingly talented exponent of the nasal arts. He could detect the subtlest of aromas from miles away. If someone was baking a pie three miles upwind of him, he could unerringly describe not only the type of fruit within but also the specific variety and its country of origin.

Vincent’s parents, Maker of Stars and Moon Whisperer, partook fully of the flower power movement. Their minds addled by endless subjection to a constant stream of hallucinogenic drugs and any mind-altering substance they could find, Vincent’s birth passed almost unnoticed by his Father – Moon Whisperer – and with barely a whimper from his mother. Raised by members of the commune less immersed in the drug culture of the day, Vincent had a difficult upbringing. While everyone ‘loved’ him, nobody really gave him the love a child needs – the fiercely unconditional love that only a parent can provide and, without which, a child’s heart withers and dies. Vincent’s heart never died but it certainly shriveled.

It was not until he was well into his teenage years that Vincent suddenly developed his nasal attributes. I have read articles that suggest humans use only a tiny percentage of their brain’s potential and I believe this to be true. Whether this is a result of laziness or devolution I do not know. I suspect that as we have evolved, and created a safer environment for ourselves, our brains have devolved somewhat, have begun to shut down or divert energy to other areas. It is a question of efficiency. If we do not need to be able to hear a wolf howling and know exactly how much time we have to reach and climb that large oak tree one hundred paces away, why waste the energy retaining the ability? The brain decides to devote more attention to the tricky question of how exactly the TV remote can be reprogrammed to operate the DVD player, digital cable box, and amplifier.

It was a most unusual accident that provided Vincent with his special talent. Wandering through the commune’s vegetable garden, looking for ripe tomatoes, he was struck violently in the head by a large duck. Whether the duck was dead when it hit Vincent or died as a result of the impact, Vincent never knew. The duck simply struck him in the head, knocking him instantly unconscious. If anybody saw him lying prone in the vegetable patch, a half-eaten tomato clutched in his left hand, and a dead duck across the back of his neck, they did not come to his aid.

Hours later, Vincent awoke with a thundering headache and overpowering stench of duck flooding his senses. He stumbled to his feet, swaying like a young tree on a stormy day, trying to make sense of the world. Everything looked and sounded normal, well, normal-ish – there was two of everything and a dead duck lay at his feet. What was giving him cause for concern was the reeking stench, and not just the wet, feathery, gamey scent of dead duck. He blocked his nose but that only diminished the aroma, it did not eliminate it. Shutting his mouth as well was obviously not a viable long-term solution, so Vincent cautiously started to try and identify the source.

At first it was simply too much, an amalgam of scents he could not distinguish or identify. But slowly, as his brain became accustomed to it and started to interpret the signals, he began to isolate specific aromas - crushed tomato leaves, crushed tomato, body odor – both his own and that of the dozens of hippies ensconced in their yurts further up the hill, the complex scent of the damp earth, duck of course, and even the very air itself. Thousands of chemical signatures danced and whirled in his nose as his brain struggled to identify them. Eventually, he found he was able to control his reaction and could actually take a deep breath without retching. He began to try and pick out the specific aromas he could easily recognize. He could smell dinner cooking, reefer, rain in the distance, gasoline, exhaust, and tire rubber from the road at the bottom of the hill, all kinds of herbs and vegetables, a bottle of Guinness being opened. He could smell it all and, with a sudden smile, Vincent realized he was no longer an unremarkable commune kid with a dodgy future. He was different. He had a talent and he was going to use it.


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A short film makes its debut on the World stage
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A few years ago I wrote and produced a short film called 'A Nice Cup of Tea' and earlier this year it emerged from post production ready for the big screen. It is amazing how much time, effort and money goes into making an eleven minute film and I am forever indebted to the 20 or so individuals who helped make it, but in particular to my friend, Bob Fugger, who directed and edited "A Nice Cup of Tea".

At the end of February I started submitting the film to festivals around the World with no idea how it would be received or at what level it would find itself. The first few deadlines passed with no word or rejection letters but then, miraculously, I received two acceptance emails in the space of a couple of days. One from the Salento International Film Festival in southern Italy and the other from DC Shorts in Washington, D.C.


As both festivals are in mid-September a decision had to be made as to which festival to attend. A quick review of my finances (checking the available room on various credit cards, the weight of my loose change jar, and the collection of small change that inevitably finds its way under the sofa cushions) revealed that DC Shorts was the better choice. As an added bonus, the DC Shorts festival will allow a visit with our friends at Prince Michel in Virginia.

So, as I have never been to DC, if any of you have recommendations for restaurants and must-see attractions, please let me know. And if you will be in DC between September 11th and 18th check out the festival website and come and enjoy "A Nice Cup of Tea".

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When bad writing isn't.
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Several years ago I spent some time working at a friend's advertising agency and, while there, I had the opportunity to write some copy and a few magazine articles under the scrutiny of an extremely punctilious copy editor. At first it was irritating, then annoying, followed by infuriating. But eventually, I settled into it and realized that the editor was right. He improved my writing and I will be eternally grateful for that. Among other things, I try to construct intelligent sentences, punctuate appropriately, and  avoid contractions whenever possible. I hope that, as a result, my writing makes reasonable sense and is generally pleasant to read.

The lessons from my erstwhile editor have also enabled me to garner a greater appreciation for excellent writing. I can enjoy an article or novel as much for its style of writing as for its content or plot. The downside is that I occasionally find it hard to read a poorly written piece and that is a shame, because good writing is not the be all and end all, as this excerpt from a local golf club newsletter shows. Sometimes, a piece can be so appallingly constructed yet so honest and self-effacing, it takes on a beauty of its own.

Enjoy.

"It was also brought to my attention to mention that the policy about booking procedures will be enforced. What we are talking about is when individuals book a tee time and use “unknown guest or member” we have to put a name to the unknown’s with 24 hours or the unknown’s are deleted. Imagine showing up with your proposed foursome and the pro shop following the policy and due diligence in trying to accommodate everyone, deletes the unknown within the 24 hour period and fill in any spots available with other members or green fee players. Then we show up with our foursome and we find ourselves in the peripheral pickle with six people or whatever having the same tee time. Then human nature set in and we are having some ugly thoughts on the staff and the club and we are just totally upset because we all have been members for umpteen years and what kind of treatment is the club showing to the members. Been there done that, therefore lets all follow our policy and try to ensure an uneventful experience. If you book a foursome with guest or unknown members let’s make sure we all don’t get egg on our faces and get the names in where they belong. I think actually I know this is enough for now and remember your 3R’s Restaurant, Relaxation and Refreshments after your round of golf, especially the refreshment part. Until next month may your drives find the fairway and your 1st putt find the bottom of the cup. (If anyone knows me they know that it is usually my third or fourth putt that finds the cup.)"

Re-printed without permission, hence the anonymity of its author.
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Crazy like a bottle of wine
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After a friend of mine posted this video on his blog - for no reason other than it's very interesting and more than a little inspiring - I explored the TED website a little and rediscovered Ze Frank.

If you remember, Ze first came to the attention of the general public with his "How to Dance Properly" video. Where was  I going with this? Oh yes!

It struck me that Ze Frank is like a wine brand. For a while (a very short while in Frank's case) he struggled to find a voice, an expression of himself that would appeal to the general public. Then, almost accidentally, he found the formula and released a memorable vintage. Suddenly, distributors were interested and a fan base was created. He was able to sell his output and invest in increased production. Now, you might even compare him to a cult wine.

Personally, my experience with the Ze Frank was a little different though. I was fortunate enough to partake of the 'How to Dance Properly' vintage and, while I enjoyed it, I dismissed it as a one-off and forgot all about it. Years later I have accidentally come across it again and have been working my way through the subsequent vintages. Generally they are excellent ,although I have stumbled across a few of more dubious quality. I would have to say that I am looking forward to future releases and will keep a closer eye on Ze from now on.

It's a strange analogy (what is the derivation of this word by the way? Biology, Geology, Archeology - all obvious. Analogy...hmmmm) I know, but it's a good excuse to post the work of an innovative philosopher comedian so what the heck.

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